Here Is My Analysis:
Copyright © 2007 Ed Bagley
Some men say they cannot live with
women and they cannot live without women.
I think they mean they do not understand women.
I choose to celebrate women as a necessary and wonderful addition to a man's
world and would rate women as the third most important gift from my maker God,
who happens to be a man and not a woman.
I choose to not be confused by women who insist that God is a woman and not a
man; their lack of perception on this matter is entirely their problem and shall
remain so.
Women are God's third most important
gift, following the gift of life and the gift of free will.
Without the gift of life all would be null and void and this explanation
meaningless.
Without the gift of free will a man would not be able to make choices and
decisions and thus would be rendered useless both to him and her.
Since women are a necessary and wonderful addition to a man's world here are 14
things that every woman should know about men.
A Man's 5 Basic
Responsibilities
Just as a man has five fingers on his
left hand there are five jobs his analytical mind tells him he must do:
1) Defend his loved ones. A
man is the first responder to any unexpected threats to his loved ones. That
means putting his life on the line if necessary. He is bigger, stronger and more
aggressive than those he loves and will fight dearly to keep them safe.
2) Protect his loved ones. A
man protects his loved ones from any perceived threats. He is street smart, he
sees trouble coming and keeps his family out of harms way.
3) Provide for his loved ones.
A man figures out a way to generate income either working for others or making
his own way in the world. He supplies the basic needs for his family—food,
shelter, clothing and transportation.
4) Encourage his loved ones.
A man must be the lighthouse in stormy times of crisis and challenge. His job is
to be stable, sensible, resourceful and ready to encourage his family through
tough times. He must put on a brave face and have a big heart when compassion
and understanding are needed.
He understands that the way to overcome fear is to take action despite the
danger or risk in doing so.
5) Lead his loved ones. A man
must be the leader for his loved ones in several critical areas:
Generating Income. He should be the main source of providing for the basic needs
of the family.
Handling Discipline. He should realize and act when his loved ones need to toe
the mark.
Improving His Knowledge and Skills. He should use education and training to
get on in the world.
Developing Spiritual Growth. He needs to recognize a greater power than himself
so that when he is no longer there to provide and to comfort his family they are
not alone in the world.
Developing Personal Growth.
He needs not only the professional
growth that education and training can help provide, but he also needs personal
growth. He needs to be able to change his thought process, belief system and
core being so that he is not the same bigoted person that he was 40 years ago.
Providing Recreational Opportunities. He should provide fun, family
activities for his loved ones so the challenge of simply performing our daily
responsibilities does not become onerous.
Being a Role Model. He should become a role model for behavior, values, ethics
and morals that is worth emulating.
If a man had only his left hand and only lived with his left hand he would
indeed be an incredible creature when fulfilling the 5 jobs his analytical mind
tells him he must do. Tomorrow you will learn why a man has a right hand, with
the 5 fingers signifying his 5 basic tendencies.
(Ed's Note: This is Part 1 of a
3-Part Series.)
Copyright © 2007 Ed Bagley
(Editor's Note: Part 1 dealt with A Man's 5 Basic Jobs: 1) Defend his loved ones. 2) Protect his loved ones. 3) Provide for his loved ones. 4) Encourage his loved ones. 5) Lead his loved ones. Part 3 will appear tomorrow.)
A Man's 5 Basic Tendencies
But, alas, women it is not to be. Here is where your dream world begins to fall
apart.
Just as a man has 5 fingers on his right hand there are 5 creative tendencies a
man must overcome to live out his life.
1) He believes he is indestructible. I know this is not rational, is silly and difficult to believe, however, it
is tied to his ego and allows him to also do the five jobs his analytical mind
tells him he must do.
It is because a man can be an extremely competitive creature that he can put his
life on the line for his family when defending them and protecting them.
A man, especially when he is younger, can be exciting, dangerous and foolish. He
will buy his dream sports car and drive it down the freeway as fast as he can to
see how fast he can go, and sometimes with his loved ones in the car.
He will dive off of a 50-foot cliff to see if he can meet the water in the
10-foot space between the rocks below. Sometimes he will accomplish that feat,
sometimes he will become paralyzed and sometimes he will kill himself in a fit
of bravado.
Generally, somewhere around age 40 or 50 he will work in the yard all day
Saturday and be totally stunned when he cannot get out of bed Sunday morning.
This is the point in his life when he realizes he is not the man he used to be.
If he uses the brains God gave him he will not continue take risky chances. If
he has learned anything from the experience, he will begin to live a more sane
life.
2) He believes his reach should exceed
his grasp. A man will try to do more than he is physically, mentally
and emotionally capable of doing. He will set impossible goals and then prove he
cannot achieve them.
He will set no limits on himself. He has an ego. He will work himself to
death while ignoring his marriage, his children and the needs of his family, and
he will justify this behavior because he can barely get past his third job:
provide for his family.
He will justify his behavior in his mind because sometimes he is really escaping
a situation at home that he does not want to face. Rather than face the music he
is willing to play the music alone and suffer the consequences, generally
divorce.
Couples can fight about money and how to raise their children, but when they end
up in divorce court it is usually because of a lack of communication. How many
times have you heard a woman say he just won't talk to me?
When your man is not talking to you ladies, that is the first sign that your
marriage is in trouble.
3) He believes he will live forever. No kidding. He actually believes he will live forever. It never really
occurs to him that he will die someday. He has been told this more than once; he
comprehends what is being said, but he really does not believe it.
Women do not share this problem. I expect because they become very aware of just
how fragile life is when birthing a newborn.
It generally does not even occur to a man that he will die until he is well past
50. When this realization strikes him, it is like a bolt of lighting. Sometimes
it occurs when his father dies, and then he realizes that he is next.
There are things that you will notice when his belief in this matter changes.
He will not leave home when the guys come by to go drinking and watch the game.
He will become more aware about who he is with, where he is at and what he is
doing. He now realizes that the meter on the taxi is running. He now understands
that the alarm has been set on his clock, and it is ticking down.
4) Someone once said that every man
needs someplace to go, something to do and someone to love. I believe
that they are correct. Think about it.
A man needs someplace to go, this is the explorer in him. A man needs something
to do, this is the automatic work ethic in him. He must be at work, or he could
be a nuisance at home. A man needs someone to love because he needs acceptance.
You will notice that a woman who loses her husband at age 50 because he has
worked himself to death can live another 30 years without a man in her life and
be quite content. A man who loses his wife at age 50 will find another woman
very soon or he will die, literally.
When a man loses his partner, he will make it his business to find another, and
he will not make a career out of it because he already has a career. A man loses
his woman and six months or a year later he marries again, usually to someone
younger.
Many men do not wait to lose their wife. When they perceive they have lost
something in a relationship, they simply dump their wife and find a younger
model. I do not have to give women names; they can name on cue the men who have
done so, both the famous and the infamous.
5) This is the most salient advice that
I can give a woman about men: Listen carefully to what a man says but
watch what he does, what he does is who he is. A man will always whisper sweet
nothings in a woman's ear but once he is out of bed he barely notices his
conquest.
In today's world young girls and young women have bought into the media hype
that they need to walk around half naked and sleep with any guy if they want to
date or have any shot at a relationship. They are being hoodwinked.
Our culture and society has become so liberal, so permissive, so pleasure
seeking and so self-centered and self-absorbed that the mantra is all about me.
Young girls have Paris Hilton, Britany Spears and Lindsay Lohan as role models.
What young girls and young women need to know is that after young boys and young
men have had their way with them they will discard them like they would a hot
dog wrapper at a baseball game.
When these same young boys become young men and think about marriage they will
not be interested in used goods. Any girl or young woman who has been passed
around and has slept with multiple partners will get less attention.
A man who is worth marrying and having
children with has learned impulse control and has the ability to feel an urge
and delay acting on it. A man who cannot or will not control himself is no
better than the girls and young women he is indiscriminately sleeping with.
Someone arbitrarily decided that casual sex does no damage whatsoever to
one's psyche or emotional well being. They are, of course, dead wrong but too
immature to realize it and calculate the damage.
Oftentimes when they grow up they are unable to have a lasting relationship and
they wonder why. This is true for both men and women. I do not have to postulate
about this, the divorce rate, heartache and failed relationships prove it beyond
a shadow of a doubt.
If the fundamental basis of a marriage is great sex, you have a serious problem
that is not going to go away. Marriage should be for a long time and great sex
at some point may not survive the duties and responsibilities of living.
Copyright © 2007 Ed Bagley
(Editor's
Note: Part 2 dealt with A Man's 5
Basic Tendencies: 1) He believes he is indestructible. 2) He believes his reach
should exceed his grasp. 3) He believes he will live forever. 4) He needs
someplace to go, something to do and someone to love. 5) Listen carefully to
what a man says but watch what he does; what he does is who he is.)
4 Realities in a Man's World
So men have 5 basic jobs and 5 basic tendencies. Now we must deal with four
basic realties about men and world they live in.
1) How Men Are Judged. Our
culture and society judge men by one yardstick more than any other: how much
money do they make. A man who makes a lot of money is considered successful,
even though he may be a lousy husband and father. He has little incentive to be
something better.
This happens in part because men in the United States were traditionally
perceived as the breadwinners of the family. That notion has long passed as more
women need to work alongside their partner to support their family rather than
remain home to raise their children.
Day care is everywhere. Too many kids come home and there is no parent in the
house. Teens can get into trouble faster than they can turn around. They are
also not as safe in today's world; they are easy targets for predators.
I am told that only 25% of families are traditional in the sense that there is a
father and mother who are married with children in the house.
We have as many people who are
apparently single, many of whom have live-in boyfriends and other assorted
arrangements too numerous to mention. Too many of these "roommates" are bums and
leeches who do not even have a job, they sit around all day and try to look
smart when they are not causing harm to the children.
It is sad that so many women need what little, misguided attention they get
so badly that they will support these jerks and put their children in harms way
at the same time.
All of this does exactly nothing to relieve the pressure on the men who do work
to produce more money. It also distorts a man's view of what is important and
what is not important. Most men do not live a balanced life; their job or career
dominates their life, many times to the exclusion of their marriage and
children.
2) A man's work is his life.
This is an extension of the first reality of how a man is judged, but it is also
a fact of life.
Men tend to be fixated on their work and view their work as their greatest
mission in life; they have been told that their greatest mission is really to
love their wife and children and be a good husband and father, but they usually
find this injunction easy to ignore. It is much easier for them to treat their
wife and children as a necessary duty or afterthought.
If you are foolish enough to think that this is more false than true ask
yourself why most married couples spent only 3 to 5 minutes a day actually
talking to each other. Hint: It is not because they do not have the time to do
so.
3) Men and women are not alike in some
obvious ways, but they are also not alike in their basic needs.
Generally, women want security. They want to be provided for financially.
This is why they will marry a guy old enough to be their father, or a guy who is
not as attractive to them. Women always worry about having enough money, and the
older they get without enough money the more they worry about it.
Generally, men want respect and recognition, whether they are financially
successful or not. If the woman treats a man like a king and thinks that he made
the moon and set the sun in place, the man is not likely to stray very far from
home.
If not, he may well become an absent husband and father. This is true whether he
is home or not.
4) Women need to understand that a
misguided son (not a daughter, but a son) is the responsibility of the father,
not the mother.
This is because women cannot always control a willful son whose male ego
will not allow him to listen to a woman. It is his father who must set an
example for him, and keep him in line.
Too few men know and understand that they cannot be too critical of their son or
they will hurt his self-esteem and self-confidence, two qualities every
successful, productive man must have to function competitively in society. A man
should shower his son with encouragement and positive reinforcement.
Nothing is more distressing to a successful man and former successful athlete
than to see a father who coaches his son's little league baseball team screaming
at these youngsters for striking out in a critical situation or making a bad
play.
Fathers who coach little league and
cuss, scream, yell and berate youngsters are some of the biggest losers. Almost
without exception they have been athletes who never did squat and are trying to
overcome their shortcomings through their sons.
Do not be deceived by his cussing. Cussing is no more or no less than a sign
of a low self-image. If you think listening to a man cussing on a recording is
cute and so impressive because he is making a real statement about himself, you
are wrong. It is not cute or appropriate at any time, and especially around
children. Period. There are no exceptions.
Marry this man and you may live in hell. If he is overly critical of his son he
will probably be overly critical of his daughter, his wife, his employer and his
next door neighbor. This is a man who needs some professional help; you will not
be able to overcome his ignorance.
A man of any age who will get a girl or a woman pregnant and then become absent
forever is a lower life form, yet this is what happens all too often.
The reality is that not all men are cut
out to be men, it is much easier for some of them to be totally self-centered
and self-absorbed. Men who worry about their own happiness more than others lead
a very unfulfilled life and pride themselves on their stupidity.
They become easy marks for evildoers and miscreants. Some of them end up in
jail, others get killed in a deal gone wrong, but all of them lead miserable
lives because they mortgaged their destiny by being irresponsible. They pay a
heavy price and are no wiser in the end.
So women, now you know 14 things about men. Use this knowledge to better
understand what drives men and why some men can be more interesting than others.
When you start making choices about what you should do with boys and men in the
friendship cycle, the dating cycle, the relationship cycle and the marriage
cycle, always remember this: listen to a man but watch what he does. What he
does is what you get. Do not be fooled, be smart in your choices.